Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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