Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
