garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
