u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
