New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
