hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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