why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
