I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
