when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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