Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
