after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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