I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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