so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
