I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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