Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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