I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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