Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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