I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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