I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
