we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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