What tipped you off? The sombrero?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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