Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Randomize
