If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
