what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
