yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
