It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
