I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
