never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
