I'm drive I can fine osifer
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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