His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Dick very happy bro
It's not a walk of shame if you run
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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