I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
