Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
