her vagine was all disorganized.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
