Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
