you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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