And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
