I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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