Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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