i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
