i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
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