i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
