i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
