Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
