Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
