I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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