He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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