someone get that fucking seahorse.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
