Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
