That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
