the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
